Compensation Aside

Daniel: The part of the “Great Hope Springs” trailer when Chelsea Handler screams...

Mon, 28 May 2012 11:12:00 -0400

Daniel: The part of the “Great Hope Springs” trailer when Chelsea Handler screams “WHO HERE IS NOT HAVING SEX?”
and everyone applauds?
me: THAT’S ELISABETH SHUE YOU MONSTER
Daniel: wait… no it isnt
me: Dan
Daniel: sryyyyyyyy
me: http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1535438/
LOOK AT IT
Daniel: Wow
Are You There, Chelsea? No, it’s just me, Elisabeth.

tylercoates: bthny: Tyler just reminded me of how much I love...

Mon, 28 May 2012 00:34:25 -0400

tylercoates:

bthny:

Tyler just reminded me of how much I love this skit.

This really is the greatest last-sketch-of-the-night in SNL history.

Tyler brought this sketch into my life a mere few days ago and I’m already so much richer for it.

My Dumbness, Explained

Thu, 24 May 2012 13:02:00 -0400

I don’t read as much as I should, or more accurately as much as I’d like to. I know why. Full-time job. Myriad freelance assignments. Keeping my sterling Twitter skills razor-sharp. The occasional weeknight drinking. But when I decide to stop kidding myself, I realize it’s because I watch TV. An ASSLOAD of TV. No regrets, of course, but I realize that the reason I’m always left behind when the topic turns to books is that my reading time is currently occupied by catching up with Mad Men and Nurse Jackie and Game of Thrones and The Real Housewives of New Jersey.

So I had decided that I would take advantage of the summer downswing in TV options to really get back into my love of reading. Give myself some nice brainy talking points for when cute boys have something to say about The Art of Fielding (which happened A LOT over the winter, I can tell you).

Step 1 was going to sketch out a bare-bones list of the TV that WILL be on this summer, just so I could get a sense of how much more free time I would have. TONS, right? How much summer TV could there possibly be? Well, after a quick trip to the Futon Critic, I jotted down only the shows I would NEED to watch:

Bunheads, Mondays at 9, ABC Family
Real Housewives of NYC, Mondays at 9, Bravo
Drag U, Mondays at 9, Logo
So You Think You Can Dance, Wednesdays at 8, FOX
Big Brother (W, 8pm; Th 9pm; Su 8pm), CBS
Breaking Bad, Sundays at 10, AMC
True Blood, Sundays at 9, HBO
The Newsroom, Sundays at 10, HBO
Weeds, Sundays at 10, Showtime
Mob Wives Chicago, Sundays at 8, VH1

You’ll notice that my proposed “scaled down” TV summer includes such indispensable entertainment as Big Brother (3 nights a week!), Drag U (the least essential of all televised drag products!), and Weeds (season 23!). And even if I’m willing to cut myself some slack and say I will probably be able to deny myself Mob Wives: Chicago, I have to, at the same time, admit that I will probably DVR more than a few hours of American Ninja Warrior. [That said, don’t ask me to apologize for everything. If my summer CAN have Sutton Foster, LuAnn DeLesseps, and Aaron Sorkin at his preachiest, it damn well WILL have all three of those things.]

My point is: this is why I’m a garbage-headed person and will probably always be a garbage-headed person. This is why I can’t have nice things, intellectually speaking. This is why all the well-read boys will find other well-read boys and I’ll be stuck with yet another season of yelling about how stupid Sookie Stackhouse will always be. This is me, then. And now.

tylercoates: Vicky is my professional role model. That bitch...

Tue, 22 May 2012 12:12:01 -0400

tylercoates:

Vicky is my professional role model.

That bitch could fold a sweater.

MYLES TANZER TUMBLR PRESENCE: Thoughts On Googa Mooga And Being A Guest At Any Large Scale Event

Mon, 21 May 2012 14:28:25 -0400

MYLES TANZER TUMBLR PRESENCE: Thoughts On Googa Mooga And Being A Guest At Any Large Scale Event:

mylestanzer:

Show up early. I showed up to Googa Mooga at noon. The longest line I waited in for food took <15 minutes. I tried everything that I wanted. Anyone who’s ever been to any event ever knows that the early birds get to have all the fun.

Also, the website and frequent (borderline obnoxious) emails…

bobbyfinger: THE TEASER FOR THE NEW PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON. SEE...

Mon, 21 May 2012 12:00:18 -0400

bobbyfinger:

THE TEASER FOR THE NEW PAUL THOMAS ANDERSON. SEE YA.

Wow. Subtitle: “Shut the Fuck Up, It’s the New Paul Thomas Anderson Movie, You’re Going to See It Anyway, What Do You Care What It’s About?”

We were all well within our rights to do it, but everybody has...

Mon, 21 May 2012 01:40:00 -0400

We were all well within our rights to do it, but everybody has really forgotten how fantastic Heidi Montag was in the second-season Laguna Beach episode where Jason kisses Jessica at Lauren’s charity fashion show for landslide victims.

WHEN THE BARTENDER DOESN'T CHILL YOUR SHOT

Fri, 18 May 2012 23:57:56 -0400

thenycgays:

SO TRUE TO MY EXPERIENCE.

bobbyfinger: Carrie Keagan, Big Morning Buzz Host: What sucked...

Wed, 16 May 2012 17:01:25 -0400

bobbyfinger:

Carrie Keagan, Big Morning Buzz Host: What sucked worse, getting fired by Trump or getting fired by Diddy?

Aubrey O’Day: Um, getting fired by Diddy because I lost Danity Kane. We all lost Danity Kane because of it.

(VH1 Big Morning Buzz)

<3 <3 <3 <3

God bless that complete and total asshole.

mylestanzer: Doug and Frankie showed up to Audrina’s birthday...

Tue, 15 May 2012 15:05:37 -0400

mylestanzer:

Doug and Frankie showed up to Audrina’s birthday wearing matching Lakers jerseys to show that Doug was the new Brody.

Oh God, DOUG! Doug was such a dark era for The Hills.

Mon, 14 May 2012 21:10:00 -0400

How about this: how about not liking Girls doesn’t say anything about me as a person? That it’s not about my misogyny or my comfort/discomfort with my own whiteness, or my jealousy of other people who are more successful than me? How about it’s just because I (personally, just me) find these particular people too excruciating to enjoy very much even on a level where I’m supposed to be finding them excruciating. Isn’t that possible? Isn’t that actually probable? When a show gets praised for dealing with difficult characters, some people are going to naturally fall on the side of the line that finds them slightly too much to take? And honestly, some weeks I’m able to enjoy them a little bit and even THAT doesn’t have anything to do with my misogyny or jealousy. How about that’s all fine?

tylercoates: bobbyfinger: “That’s the type of thing you do...

Mon, 14 May 2012 21:04:53 -0400

tylercoates:

bobbyfinger:

“That’s the type of thing you do right before you hit us! Don’t hit us!”

Last night’s episode was so fucking good, so fucking funny, so fucking bleak. I’ve come to the conclusion re: the Girls “backlash” or whatever that anyone who makes the claim that this show isn’t realistic isn’t suffering from some deep-rooted misogyny (although it might be that, too), but rather overt narcissism, because it’s all based on the notion that the reality depicted on Girls couldn’t possibly exist because one hasn’t experienced it for him or herself. For me, this show is getting it right immensely every single week.

Tyler’s right about us, of course.

tylercoates: I haven’t liked a Tim Burton movie since Sleepy...

Sun, 13 May 2012 17:55:36 -0400

tylercoates:

I haven’t liked a Tim Burton movie since Sleepy Hollow, and I also really detest Johnny Depp, but I was really excited to see Dark Shadows because it looked so dumb but so entertaining. AND I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. It was so campy and soapy and the clothes were awesome and the music was great and I love the ’70s and it was like if The Ice Storm had vampires and witches and ghosts and werewolves and all of you can suck my dick because if you don’t like it you can go watch your stupid trashy True Blood and I’ll be over here listening to Alice Cooper and The Moody Blues and having FUN.

Sigh.

I have absolutely no interest in finding out if this is a real...

Fri, 11 May 2012 00:29:00 -0400

I have absolutely no interest in finding out if this is a real thing or not. I’m in and prepared to pull every string I have available to me.

richardlawson: Ha, yes, Bristol Palin absolutely sat down at a...

Thu, 10 May 2012 15:09:21 -0400

richardlawson:

Ha, yes, Bristol Palin absolutely sat down at a computer and wrote this herself. ABSOLUTELY. Reads just like her.

Bristol Palin is low-hanging fruit when it comes to people in the political realm (“realm” is used RILL loosely in this case) whom it’s easy to hate and say terrible things about. But GOD DAMN IT does this kind of smug attempt to swat down the President on the DUMBEST possible grounds make me want to say something that starts with “THAT FAT BITCH,” and that makes ME feel like an asshole so CONGRATULATIONS, Palins, you win again.

Photo

Mon, 07 May 2012 18:29:44 -0400

"Shades of Quincy."

Fri, 04 May 2012 11:22:33 -0400

dandaddario:

“I hate chocolate. Fuck chocolate. Kurt hated chocolate, too — that was one of the things we had in common.”

Perfection.

ohheybill: A friend told me today that he saw a movie at Cobble...

Thu, 03 May 2012 20:03:25 -0400

ohheybill:

A friend told me today that he saw a movie at Cobble Hill Cinemas and we immediately spent 5 minutes discussing the intro video there which is literally my favorite thing ever and I once bootlegged it and put it on youtube.

*edit: I noticed that someone else had bootlegged it and put it on youtube and investigated a little and realized it was SOMEONE I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH and now I feel a lot of things.

No, seriously. I basically spent my whole first year in New York telling people about this pre-roll. No smoking! No pagers! At least three Pepsi logos ago! It’s the best thing and I hope it never changes.

http://weduary.com/bye

Wed, 02 May 2012 23:24:21 -0400

http://weduary.com/bye:

bobbyfinger:

lindsey and i are using brit’s new technology to improve our lives

All you jerks better flirt with me at this wedding devoted to terrible social media strategies!

If I were a single gay man

Thu, 26 Apr 2012 18:38:27 -0400

drinkyourjuice:

looking for love in New York City, I’d just stand in the West Elm at Columbus Circle with a confused expression on my face, because four of the most beautiful men I’ve ever seen in my life have separately asked me if I need help while I hold shams up to this quilt and whisper, “Nightmare. This is a nightmare.”

She’s not kidding about the West Elm at Columbus Circle.