I have an idea: can we just do this, like, now? Cast our votes and be done with it? Seems like we’ve all made up our minds here, right? You either believe in the guy we have, or you don’t*. Sure, months of lively debate and research would be helpful, but since we prove every single minute of every single day that we’re not capable of anything remotely close to that-
evenespecially our media, who with maybe two exceptions displays the attention span and emotional maturity of a Toddlers & Tiaras pageant child- want to just call it a day? Great. Me too.
Okay, fine: for the eleven people who haven’t made up their minds (and so the rest of us can say we did it), one two-hour debate later this week. Snuggie Beyonce Boy and Carly Rae Jepsen can do the halftime show, to ensure that we all watch. Then we all show up at the ballot box and do the damn thing.
I am actively avoiding campaign news and ads, but there’s still enough bullshit getting through- from both sides and every stop in between- that I don’t know whether I’ll make it through this afternoon, much less the rest of July and then August and then September and then October and then some of November.
*This is in no way an invitation for you to share whether you personally do or do not believe in the guy we have. Oh, you have a chart? Neat! Stick it up your ass and go see Magic Mike.
Two chairs. Julie Chen. One minute to state your case to your fellow
houseguests citizens. The American public casts their votes live. The losing party must then grab their things and leave the Big Brother house immediately.